So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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