I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
