why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
