she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
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you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
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I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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