so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
