just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
