I want to stick my p in your. b.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
