My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
