What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
