Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
