Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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