she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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