Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
