found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
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I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
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The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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