I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
