Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
