my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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