Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
