Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
