hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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