oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
