Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Randomize
