Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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