I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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