My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
