OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
operation harelip BJ is a go
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
