hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
