Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
