Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
it glows. i had to have it.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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