Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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