Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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