i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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