just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
