and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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