He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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