What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
