Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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