she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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