it wasn't lemon gatorade
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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