cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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