I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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