Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
