I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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