did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
