Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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