First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
