if i can run in heels then i can drive
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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