I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
