I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
