when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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