i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
