Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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