well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
