I'm lost and stupid without you.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
