That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
