just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
