Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
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