Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
True strength comes from lack of pants
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
