I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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