if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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