remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Damn victory sex feels great
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
