Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
