so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Randomize
