Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
